Yesterday.

I got into the driver’s seat and started the engine – put the gear in drive and quickly I began to speed away. As soon as the splash of sunlight hits my face, I let out a sigh of relief and let all of the windows down. Driving with the wind in my face and sunlight drowning out the darkness, nothing can be better than this, I told myself. I was away from her and the topic of divorce. As I approached the curve of the highway, I began to speed up…80 …90…and then 110 km/h; my mind had already wandered off to other things. I thought of what had become of me for the last 20 years. What happened to the fun old Paul Davis? What happened to the Paul that loved to paint and write music? Now that Paul is gone; in his place is a man who only knows of himself.

I swerved back to reality just as the song “Yesterday” by the famous Beatles came on to the radio. Paul McCartney’s voice rang out, as if he was in a small room all by himself, his voice echoing through my mind.

Suddenly, I’m not half the man I used to be, there’s a shadow hanging over me, oh yesterday came suddenly…

As snippets of this song jumped out to me, I found myself thinking about the marriage that I have with Claire. Claire, my Claire. Claire with the beautiful laughter; Claire with the ebullient personality. How did our wondrous relationship come to this?

Why she had to go I don’t know, she wouldn’t say. I said something wrong now I long for yesterday…

I stopped the car in the middle of an unknown bridge, got out, and leaned over the railings. The beautiful vibrant colours all intertwine with one another as they slowly turn to grey. The sight of the sunset captivates me and slowly, as I watched the colours fade to grey, I let myself go. I guess yesterday will never come after all.

(written on September 16th, 2009)